Are the rumours true about a 45rpm beige and tartan vinyl to be released in early 1953? Can I preorder a slice? I don't want a whole one, I only want a bit, my ears are full after listening to Tim Austin rubbing salad cream into a wendyhouse.

the original wax cylinders for the recordings of "neo geo throat fuck", "yardie napalm" and "brew world order" have been sold recently on ebay. its rumoured that the buyer was Micheal Winner.

I don't know who's been leaking this info to the press, it's pretty upsetting - not least because it's not entiry accurate. I want to set the record straight - once and for all.

The first EP will be released on cassette tape glued into an old school walkman with its battery compartment glued shut. The batteries will have just enough power for one complete listen of the EP (provided that you don't wait too long) - this has been calculated scientifically. Any attempt to remove the cassette tape or change the batteries may result in DEATH.

Side A
1. Neogeo Throat Fuck
2. Mr John Strange vs Aimee Omega - noise / breakcore set
3. Sick of life / Unwilling to die

Side B
1. Panzer Division Detective 90210
2. Omega Threat ft Ed Rowe - mini crunk / dirtysouth grindcore EP
3. Capcom Cumshot

Sadly because of our choice of format you wont be able to listen to Side B but you'll know it's there which should be some comfort.

The EP will be limited to 10 copies and will be on sale at our debut gig which we'll be trying to book as soon as we find enough old school Walkmans to make our EP with and have all put on some weight and grown impressive tough guy facial hair like Zakk Wylde (we're looking to appeal to Leicesters sizable "bear" scene).

Once the EP has sold it will be rereleased through Emil Beaulieaus "NO FUN" label on the "recycled" imprint. (basically it'll be recorded over old Hall & Oates tapes that Emil will scribble "recycled!!!" all over).

what of the 3 inch DVD?

"I sympathise / you choke"

featuring promo videos for "Jah Wobble Arayan Clusterfuck", "The Unending Paradox of the Nihilist: irrational prejudice against nihilism in the new church of Oswin. A movement in 3 part Argentine style" and "SNK Spitrape"

...and a short film "Omega Threat @ Milwaukee Death Fest" of the only known video footage the infamous abortive 3 minute festival opening set where Aimee Omega incites a violent stage invasion by various memebers of Necrophagia, Numbskullz and Ripping Corpse by taking to the stage dressed as Richard Nixon.

Is there a release date for this, or will i just have to torrent it from Piratebay?

All that stuff should be in the retrospective boxset "Omega Threat : 2009 - 90210 Strategies Concerning Megadrive Muff Dive" but is entirely dependant on whether those things do actually happen. We've not wrote those songs, filmed those videos or performed at "Milwaukee Death Fest" yet but we are working on it.

So there is no beige and tartan vinyl then? Would I be able to supply my own retro cassette player into which the cassette could be glued? Could I then specify which side is glued in or is it all done by droids?

you need to get permission for that sort of thing.

please submit a written proposal to

Aimee Omega.
Queen Of The Yardies
The Poplars
14 Colliers Row
Grimsby
Hudds

including any relevant dimensions.

It's a trap Barry. that's his address and as far as I know Aimee has no interest in Yardies and is definitely not their queen (that's Rio Ferdinands mam of course).

I don't know anything about the actual production of the EP barry, it's all being handled by our management http://www.omegatmg.com/ and I think they've outsourced it all to some "care in the community" back to work scheme.

Bullshit! Youre managed by Jospeh Fikowski and The European Kindred!

Soon the incredible pseudo-psychological deep cut superband OMEGA THREAT will be coming to you, in the guise of an old man leering gently over the stage. Only compliance will prevent you from being rubbed down with emery paper on your orifaces!

leigh haywood. official jizzmopper for The Threat speaks out about his struggle for acceptance and self worth.

extinction is imminent.

Ooh shit. You might get away with talking to me like that because of our special relationship but Leigh is a whole other bag of badgers. Shit. I'm pretty scared for you right now Merzbryn.

You might be built like dolph lungren but you're made of shoddy Jewish parts and put together by sleep deprived Blue Peter presenters running only on cocaine and lucozade. Fighting Leigh is like trying to beat back the tides, no matter what you do you're going to drown in so much salty liquid that not even a team of every jizz mopper in soho will be able to find you.

Planets might not have shit on you but Leigh is the whole fucking cosmos.

Leigh is a big girl. The biggest kind of girl there is in fact. He even has a girls name, It's like, how much more girly could he be? And the answer is none. None more girly.

Disgusting.

You're a bunch of jebs and I dont know why I put up with this

what utter nonsense.

YOU'RE NONSENSE!

Go shit up RTBHs internet profile you kike fuck. Oh wait : it's already a big load of Oswinist nonsense and RTBH sounds like a Hall & Oates record ran through a DOD DEATH METAL.

It's pretty telling that Omega Threat is the most popular band on here by far and none of you have even heard us yet. Yes we're that good.

but you do have a big girls blouse on drums.

and you can quote me on that.

Omega Threat: Prong as Fork in drawer full of cutlery.

'Tis true that I have had my fare share of analysing the chemical structures of salty liquids, but Huxley you and I have both been in bands where the members have experimented in the subtle application of eye liner. I recall the tapered leather skirt flitting by me at many a gig, and that leather skirt was yours! I would settle for the blouse sir.

This slander is useless without photos!