Philadelphia Mass Turbulence wrote:

neil / neale / neal can be a surname, you spacedunce!

I was pretty good at medical sales - and the only reason I stopped doing it (after 2 years) was because it was a lonley fucker of an existence. Plus recruitment I was HARD FUCKING CORE at - did that for three years and the only reason I stopped that was because they were pissing in my face and taking liberties... my HR / training job - I was there for four years - its a thankless task with a terrible rep...

I know it might be hard for most people to comprehend, but not all sales people, HR types, black youths, hoodie wearing teens conform to stereo types.

oh, and to finish, not all recruitment consultants are twats - though there are unredeemable fuckheads in the industry - if youve have a "issue" with them its probably down to you being unrealistic, unhelpful and underqualified idiots who "wouldnt get out of bed for that wage". of COURSE we give your jobs to immigrant workers.

You wanna try working all night in cunting refridgerated factory, knocking off and then doing a full shift as a bin man to pay your way thru uni. TRY IT FUCKERS. seriously - a work ethic is OFF the curriculum right? So, I reckon... National service - thats what we need. national service - get the fuck to assghanistan boys and girls as OPERATION "Give the afghani's a day off" - a holiday in fucking cambodia straight to your downcast sullen "you owe me a fucking living BUT YOUR THE LEECH HERE MR RECRUITMENT" face...

once you arive in mysterious, exotic afghanistan, you'll don a turban, grab an AK47 and then be used as a de facto "sand nigger"! Hurrah! and you can lie in the sand in your own shit and piss desperately trying to stuff you own guts and liver back in your stomach cavity while ape like squaddies trample, giggling, like atomic locusts over your rape pit of a country. how DOES that sound? or would you rather have taken that job for 2 weeks as Microsoft Exel jockey while the agency found you something more suitable to your skills... like...oh... Vice Chancellor of the universe and Golden Cow of the pagan masses, after all your CV says that you have exactly FUCK ALL qualifications and youve already said that you dont want to work anywhere further than a10 minute walk from you city centre flat next door to that guy out of the TOY FUCKING HEROES!

FUCK YOU ALL TO HELL!

I love you and have missed you.

My problem with 'Human Resources' starts with the name. You may have heard of 'Soylent Green' - that's the mentality we're talking about, here. HR see people as potential aberrations on their chart of staff absence statistics, just as police see all non-police as potential, if not actual, criminals, teachers see everyone as thick and bus drivers see all people as victims and / or the mentally ill.

HR do not see the rest of us as human and the fact that Phil is not one of them any more speaks volumes. It's similar to those who work in an educational 'advisory' role saying how much they love teaching. If you love it so much, why aren't you doing it? Oh - that'll be because it's soul-crushingly shit.

maybe if HR changed its name back to "personnel" it would be less soylent for you. I would agree the title is nothing short of sinister.

Calm as hindu cows, people are lead down the disciplinary pathway - toward sthe sharp choppa choppa blades of First and final written warning.

Just spare a thought though, that when it comes to your employee rights, in general (read ALWAYS in my experience) its HR that fight your corner. not your bosses. and say, f'rintsance, should you get made redundant - who do you trust to calculate your severance correctly AND maintain your statutory rights:

a "impartial" hr dept, or your boss who knows that every penny spent on serverance and your exit process is a penny not spent on keeping his salary afloat...

thats why HR is a thankless task really - most people only see them when theyre in the schtuck. and often - that person being in schtuck is something that your boss hand wringingly bleats "I wouldnt do this but HR have forced me" when in reality they have the initial say in whether action needs to be taken against you.

I literally cant believe I have taken it on myself to defend the actions of a whole industry. Please forgive me, I will report to The St Peld centre for extreme cranial reprogramming as soon as I have beating meself into a quivering heap of jelly like flesh with a burning birch bough.

Inhuman Resources. now thats more like it... iron maidens, landmines, flick knives... SWEET!

We have a hot HR girl working at the Eldritch Centre for Educational Excellence at the moment. I keep popping round to see if she's had the 'HR' put on her forehead, a la Arnold Rimmer. Strangely, she hasn't and remains hot.

It's just...wrong, somehow. I just can't quite put my finger on it.

Dominated mostly by females with cold, dead eyes. In my experience, anyway. Cold, dead eyes and the air of knowing they have all other employees over a metaphorical barrel.

some of us like it over a barrel, ned beatty style.

'Personnel' has the ring of the armed forces about it, which may be preferable to some. Other possible department tiles could be;

The MindFucks

Skiver Dealership

Fill In This Form

Fearful Staring

You Are Nothing

The Helpless Void

Patricia

Employment Mechanics

Sick Leave Calculon and The Letterhead Mafia

Redundancy Punch Bags

The Organistaional Change Enzyme Collective

Kid Stabby and The War Criminals

Saw about 10 mins of the Apprentice the other night.

That bunch of chinless, whining cunts actually made me glad I don't work in the private sector.

you work with men with planes.

this is a story I heard about a Officer's Mess type last weekend:

"I was so pissed in this club that I thought, hold on, I am gonna be sick - so I dash to the toilets - but all the cubicles are in use... because I am about to heave I kick open one of the cubicle door and chunder... all over a guy who is sitting on the toilet. I couldnt believe I'd done it, but he looked a bit handy and upset, so I knocked him out - just to be safe, and ran off..."

Philadelphia Mass Turbulence wrote:

neil / neale / neal can be a surname, you spacedunce!

You're missing the point.

red_riviera wrote:

Saw about 10 mins of the Apprentice the other night.

That bunch of chinless, whining cunts actually made me glad I don't work in the private sector.

Philadelphia Mass Turbulence wrote:

thats why HR is a thankless task really - most people only see them when theyre in the schtuck. and often - that person being in schtuck is something that your boss hand wringingly bleats "I wouldnt do this but HR have forced me" when in reality they have the initial say in whether action needs to be taken against you.

We don't have HR at work we have personnel. I assume they are the same thing?

Well, this is why I have beef with HR too. The guy I currently have is the big personnel boss and in trying to exterminate me from the face of the earth is the worst yet. You can tell that HE is the one that wants to press all the buttons to make me go away. I am an employment problem. My boss wants to be reasonable, apply common sense, use some rational principles that will actually get the best out of the situation. This guy wants to backtrack and make amends by correcting the hideous laxness of his predecessors and send me to the centre of the sun without so much as an emergency sachet of Ambre Solaire. The cnut.

Like any profession HR is a mixed bag, some people are twats some are cool. End of.

I see it as Bombay Mix - looks interesting but smells like shit when you get close.

Now he's starting on ethnic snackfoods. IS NOTHING SACRED!??!?!?!?

Don't tell me - Bombay mix is a holy food, now. What next? Easter cucumbers? Hindu herring? Buddhist ploughman's? 'Thanks, yes, mine's a pint of the Great One's water and a toasted guru, please.'

barbequed pontiff.

Pot Boiled People.

Well build a smoke house in your fucking steeple.

Last night episode. classic.

contained such marvel juice as

"I feel like a monkey thats learning to use tools for the first time"

Northernestateagentman descends deeper into the realms of the ultracunt and dirty hobo bag lady lorraine's top lip almost entirely dissapeared in a flurry of whingeing.

the dumpy american arsewit got fired, where it clearly should have been that empty headed skeletal nothingface Nural. for doing absolutely fuck all and beig a shit mascot.

Is that the one who can chew apples through a tennis racket?

Philadelphia Mass Turbulence wrote:

oh, and to finish, not all recruitment consultants are twats - though there are unredeemable fuckheads in the industry - if youve have a "issue" with them its probably down to you being unrealistic, unhelpful and underqualified idiots who "wouldnt get out of bed for that wage".

No, not all of them. Some of them are complete c*nts who have the intergrity of a soggy chip wrapper and less manners, who expect you to do their fucking job for them and then hand them 10% of your starting salary on a golden cushion as some kind of elaborate thank you and then expect you to tell them how grateful they are for finding you a job.

so what your saying is here that you found a job through an agency and yet you did all the work? interesting...

jackbomb wrote:

Is that the one who can chew apples through a tennis racket?

is that even feasible?

no - the american one looks like a cabbage patch doll in a suit.

unreasonableshoutingnorthernestateagentman is currently my tip for the ultraslot.

"I am just an estate agen from the north with a big ego"

It is feasible, yes. The one with lips that retract to look as if they're being mummified before your eyes.